PREPARATION FOR MARRIAGE: START WITH YOURSELF

I almost didn’t believe the story when I heard it but it turned out to be true. Harry and Doris couldn’t keep their marriage beyond twenty four hours before calling it quit. How did it happen? While dancing during their wedding reception party, Harry erroneously stepped on his mother in-law. In pains, she flayed shouting and cursing him. His mother rose in his defence and a quarrel ensured between the two families. Harry instantly concluded that since the mother in-law appears quarrelsome, Doris, his wife of less than six hours will be same. Premised on this unproved conclusion, the young man walked out of the venue and that ended the marriage. He just added his marriage to the ever growing divorce statistics.

The marriage in the above story is a real life case of the consequence of lack of proper preparation for marriage. It shows that there are many things this couple should have known and done before marriage which they didn’t do. They were clearly ill-prepared and that spelt an early doom for their marriage - divorce after about six hours of marriage.

As a counsellor, I have dealt with cases of married couples who were constantly having misunderstandings and fights. On investigation, most times I discovered that the man and the woman are a total mismatch – emotional, temperamental, financial-attitude, parenting-view, relationship, career-view, etc. So how come you two got married? Then comes the answer, “I was compelled by my parent(s), friend(s), sibling(s), boss or pastor to marry him/her”. Some times the lady’s response will be, “I felt I was getting old so I had to make do with any man that came my way and he turned out to be the next man who came knocking”. Another re-occurring response I get is, “I thought he/she would change with time”.

To worsen the case, such couples are usually in a hurry to “settle down” so they hardly will do the essential needful – observe properly guided courtship, honest personal discussions and diligent investigation of their partner. All they want to do is to settle down as quickly as possible and have no time for all the traditional demands of proper counselling and courtship. Unfortunately, many whom people thought are responsible, smart, intelligent and supposedly wise enough not to experience marital breakups have found themselves in messy, shameful separation and divorce cases. So, one starts to wonder if anyone is really immune from marital turbulence and breakup.

There are lots of things you need to get right while you are still single if you desire to have a joyous marriage that will last. Before you sign the dotted lines of a marriage register especially if you will want to enjoy your marriage and not endure it you must be stoutly prepared.

An unfulfilling marriage is a big challenge to partners. Such marriage is full of disaffection and can be very frustrating. It is also dangerous to one’s wellbeing and health and should be avoided from the onset. Some people have died in the hands of their spouses over misunderstandings, abuse and/or assault in a troubled marriage.

START WITH YOURSELF

Marriage is a serious matter and must be handled as such from the very beginning. To have a joyful marriage you must start by asking yourself, "am I really ready to get married?" "Do I have the basic qualities that capacity to live with someone of the opposite sex for the rest of my life?" "Am I ready to share my emotions, time, love, convenience, etc. with a spouse?" "Is my temperament cool enough to tolerate a partner?" You should be the right if you want your marriage to be the right marriage. Having a successful marriage does not only depend on your partner. It depends on you too. What you bring to the union can encourage or discourage your spouse from giving the union his/her best. A display of a loving and admirable attitude to your union will encourage your partner to work with you and make the union an enjoyable one for you two.

Take a second look at your character and lifestyle. Tell yourself the truth. Are you really the type anyone of the opposite sex will want to have as a partner? Are you financially stable to bear extra financial burden, especially when children starts coming?